the way we used to be.

it`s pouring, lightning, & thundering outside. and it`s 5:04 AM. i think for the first time in my life i`m gonna pull of an all nighter. i can`t seem to get my mind straight, so i guess i`ll just hit up loserboii & find a song to suit my mood. i`m so "dissapointed" i guess i could put it. i had you, then all of a sudden you`re out of my reach. you`re right there, but it feels like you`re on the other side of the world. it hurts hella bad. one of the worst feelings is having exactly what you wanted in your grasp, and then it`s snatched right away from you. i`m clueless up at this point, i don`t really know what to do or how to feel. i just want everything back to how they once were, i hate how it all got so complicated. i just wanted me & you, together, happy. but i guess things can`t always be that way, hm ? the days i`ve been waiting for, or hoping for, finally come & i`m happier than ever. i mean, everyone could tell. you could see it so clear on my face. & then it`s just gone, again. it hurts so fucking bad, i gotta admit, it really fucking kills. explaining why i`m up, and i guarantee i`ll be up all morning now. i can`t sleep.. ):

my babyboy & some annoyance.

official, with baby (: 072109 <3 i love you, & i've missed you. glad we`re back to how it`s suppose to be <3

mmmKAY. so wow, for one thing, my computer has been broken. stupid jambo looked up porn and fucked my computer. i haven`t had one for like 3 weeks now, freal. wherever i go that has a computer, i`m using it hahah ! (: but it`s whatever, i`ve been out a lot. i`ve learned that the computer is shit haha, i can survive without it. but i do prefer to have one. damn, last last week movies with rhea <3 saw my sister`s keeper ): sad shit. then a few days later, movies with baby, saw ice age ! :D hehehe such a cute movie. basically yeah i`ve been occupied. it`s summer ! i`m lovin` life y`know. tennis practice every wednesday. UGH, was suppose to hit up sixflags all day today but decided to cancel cause of the weather. shit ! but haha it`s okay, going thursday. tommorrow practice -_- grawr. so all in one lil` paragraph, yeup, that`s been my summer haha. just out out out. and right now, at the best`s house <3 summers been going by way too fast, back to school again before we know it. fuck ! haha.

and as a last note, you fucking annoy me lil kehd. idc, don`t fucking text me or comment me, damn sucking up. i can`t stand your lil ass, get a fucking life. expect my brother to pick you up ?! excuse me, my family has no idea who the hell you are and i`m out first of all, and you want me to ASK my brother to pick YOU up ?! you`re a mess haha, damn don`t even talk to me. see you in high school lil one ! decues, be back whenever ! summer summer summer.

summer nights

are my absolute faves` <3 mmmm. i love the night time during summer, i'd sleep outside if i could. hah :) i love just sitting on my diving board, just chillin` bahah. it`s weird, i ain`t your typical (but what`s new). a lot of people love the sun, they`ll have their ipods on them & just lay out in the sun. me ? naaaw. i like the night ! haha i`ll be the one laying out in the moon, whattttt what. haha ! i`m just a night time person i guess. on a second note, i hate when 2 big events happen on the same day. but i don`t break no promises, whatever was planned first i`ll go to. gah, saturday. but whatevs ! it`s all good, i`ll be with my Keithers :) & on a third note, i LOVE my sister. i can`t lie, where would i be without her. i`ve always known i loved her, but there are days where i can`t imagine what my life would be like without her. plus, how would i deal with the stress my mama gives me. she`s there for me, maybe has the wackiest of advice, but no matter what she`s there. i tell her everything, not one thing i don`t tell her on this damn earth haha. i lab you sista sista ! ♥

miss you crazy, crazy. i mean, us.

sometimes, i forget how it`s not that i miss you, i miss us. us, and what we once were together. don`t get it twisted, i`m glad we`re friends :) yeah, but, friends ? when just about 5 months ago we were about 2 years and some months into our relationship ? oh yeah, you know, when we were once upon a time in the strongest relationship. yep, that`s right, it was me & you baby. i tend to get into deep thought whenever it crosses my mind. our laughter, the kisses, the kisses through the phone, the hugs, the piggyback rides, surprises. everything. we had it all. looking back, we were just the best of friends. i always told you, "you`re not just my boyfriend, you`re my best friend", time after time i told you that. whether it was on the phone, or when i was right in your arms. which is the one place i used to always do anything to be in, hah. sometimes we take a risk when we fall in love. when you & i broke apart, a friendship was somehow lost. regardless if we`re talking now, i know it`s not the same. it was the friendship that was also bonded by the love we had created, and the love that grew stronger month by month. yes we got into shit, but what healthy relationship didn`t ? i had the jealousy issues, you knew it, causing you to hide things from me because you thought it`d hurt my feelings. oh boy, it goes on. i can`t describe the feeling or emotion i get when i remember our past relationship and basically what we had. it`s a mix of happiness, aggrevation, annoyance, & joy. but more than that, it kinda makes me sad. i miss us, you just don`t know. there`s a difference here. it`s not that i`m asking to be with you, right here and now. no. i want the past. not now. our past relationship is what i miss, not just wanting to be with you anytime. i know you don`t think about it the same time i do, but i know you think about it. it`s weird to say, but we grew up together. watched eachother grow, and mature. you, from you're 8th grader self, and me, from my little 6th grade phases. although we are 2 years apart, age ain`t nothing but a number. from the time i had no braces, to getting them on, then getting them off, you`ve been around. i still remember people planning our "wedding" for us. heh, i was what, in 7th grade ? & you were a freshman. we had the "ninangs" & "ninongs" asking for their place for our future child and wedding. WTF ! haha :) oh, what a life it was back then. the friends we had, the people that surrounded us. and the people that were inspired by our relationship. yep, i still recall our relationship proving to people that love did exist, and no matter the troubles one relationship consisted of, if the bond was really meant to be there, you could get through any obstacle. but who am i to say that now ? it`s been a long time since our relationship. i miss it though, i miss it more than anything. it hurts so bad sometimes, that we lost it all. the 2 and a half years, all broken apart. as monica once told me, "yeah, it sucks. the bridges 2 people built, and then it all just, falls apart".

Beauty & some fashion talk!

haha, i feel like talking about some beauty products and the one celebrity that i've officially been inspired by. who ? JESSICA ALBA ! dun dun dun..

i love it! it's very vintage-y. for some reason, i started seeing myself fall out of the whole "miss glamorous" style more and more. i go for patterns, some plaid, or anything vintage looking. ripped shorts are the best. but yet i need to buy myself a pair! haha :) i will will. AND those big sunglasses, yesyes. i have red ones, and brown ones. i'm getting there :D but yes, miss alba! i'm INLOVE with her style. in the last picture, it sucks she's biting her hands but i LOVE her hair. she's always wearing scarves. i'm over the pin straight hair look, i LOVE waves :) plus, less work for me :) muwahah.

so i found out about this cream, called eyekos 3-in-1 cream! it's a highlighter, and i plan to order it to mix with my moisturizer. they say it works really good that way :) & they say kylie minogue uses it. sweet! a definite plus. i'll order it if i don't win the giveaway on makeupforlife.net. hahaha, what would be the chances anyway, there's like hundreds of people that commented -_- bah! but whatever.

other than that, life has been boring. played some tennis with jr on monday, and brought rhea ! haha chill day, although you know how MOST OF US filipino girls don't want to turn brown, so the major sunny day was used as a disadvantage to us while on the courts. but then jr took us to the mall :) next time he's treating us to eat! haha lab you jay err <3 anyways.
yeh. i like you, a lot kid. i don't know why, but i think i do, i think you took the words out of my mouth that night. for some reason, we "belong with eachother" haha nah. that sounds corny and obsesssive, what i mean is, no matter how much we'll fight. whatever. we know we always wanna end up talking to eachother. those 3 months have taught us a lot, both of us. went out with different people and learned even more. some people would look at that as a weakspot. for a moment in time i did too between you & i, but then again i saw it was a test almost. not even, i can't explain it, but i no longer look at it as a weakspot. we're talking now, for awhile now, and i'm glad :) i feel comfy now, good. being without you didn't quite feel right, although i tried my best to make it so. some days in those 3 months i was okay, then i'd break down again. main point, i just wanted to say how relieved and happy i am we finally ended up talking again. damn, i could've sworn my eyeballs were ready to fall out of my face when i saw i had texts and missed calls from you. i couldn't believe it, 3 months without talking, nothing, and one night i see all of it. haha, i'll never forget the feeling i felt when i saw that shit on my phone. and ever since then, it's been good. but as of now, you're camping in VA and didn't talk to me >_< grrrr. haha whatever. hmm hmm bestie is coming back tommorrow, or today, but YAY! :) missed her.