-______- Pissy

It's one of 'em days where every little thing annoys me and I wouldn't suggest being sarcastic or kidding around with me. Like I already have a bad temper, well, anger issues. So when days like these come outta nowhere, it's even 10x worse. I really don't know wtf happened, my morning was nice, then somewhere during the morning it's like I just got irritated. & there's no reasoning behind it, oddly. Like a little angry bug crawled up my ass or something HAHA. But yeup, that was mostly my day. I'd like to apologize for any of my grumpiness affecting people & pissing them off -___- Muaha. Sowwy ;( And to make the matters worse, I yet again missed the Kardashians yesterday ! WTF ! It's so messed up, I always tend to miss it. I only saw the last 5 minutes and it was Kim doing her stripping dance in Vegas -_- I was like, ugh LOL. A bit akward as well because my dumbass of a brother locked himself in my mother dearest's room, so I had to watch it downstairs and my mom was awake so uh, she was kindof wondering why I was watching it. As if she has thoughts I'm tryna be a stipper roflmao -_-

BUT ! I'm starting to feel better. Right now there's something in my eye so that's one thing thats bothering me. I guess I just wanted this day done & over with, bah. So now since I'm home I'm sortof relaxed. Feeling good :) Sortof. Ashdasjhdasjfajkdf homework time. Oh oh oh ! & I found this oh so lovely throwback picture. MUAHAHAHA. Good times good times.

Breakups, WHADAFXUP?!

Oh dear. That subject. But if I hear one more, "..but angela he's the one you don't understand i love him i can't do it i love him angela angela please angela i don't know what to do he promised me this, he promised me that" I'ma slap a hoe! OH SHUT THE FUCK UP. Ok, just kidding on that part. I guess I mean, I understand guys. Don't tell me I don't, I know you guys don't mean it at the moment you say it cause your heart is sort of dropping down to your stomach, you're angry, upset, sad, crying, I know. Just know, I understand every single little detail. I've been through it, and if you let me, I can help you through it. Well only to those who have been there for me. If you're just some asshole, idgaf you can handle it yourself :) HAHA. Anyways, life can be hard. You're gonna lose someone you've never wanted to, nor expected to. You love them too much to lose them. You don't wanna believe they just don't love you like that anymore, and it's the worst thing to believe. But I've come to learn truth hurts. A lot. Now after your first real love break up, you learn to slow down when it comes to taking life to seriously. I know, you guys probably planned to be "together forever" and you planned your married life at what, 2 months?! Damn, nowdays you hear teen couples planning their kids at 3 weeks. CHILL PLEASE! We're youngins', and goodness gracious life has no guarantees. Never say forever to someone, especially at 3 weeks or something. I understand if you hit a year...and..a HALF. Yeah! Don't say forever bullshit regaurdless, cause seriously, things can change and life can take a harsh left turn. But what am I saying, I'm pretty sure I've gone through the whole "I'll be with him forever" scene, I admit. Just understand you'll wish you never did. I know I wish I didn't.

For I really did believe he was the one. Through whatever, we'd be there for eachother. Even everybody else had no doubt in their mind we'd end up getting married or something. Did I agree, yes. Do I regret that? Somewhat, yes. I just wish you never fell outta love. I mean I know we've pissed eachother off, I just sometimes to this day wish that things could be how they once were. Doesn't hurt to miss it, right? Maybehhh. This is what I mean when I say life DOES 100% take a harsh left turn. You'd never expect to see it coming, but it does. Just like it did for me.

Where am I going with this exactly? It's to chillax. I'm not saying STOP CRYING RIGHT THIS INSTANT, FOO. No. Cry all you please, for crying is good for you. You're gonna start crying at night, morning, even during the day. My most hateful thing I hate seeing about that is though, seeing girls cry publicly in school. OHMYLANTA. It really does piss me off. They attract everyone's attention, as if THEIR heartbreak is the worst case in the world, everyone goes through one. Please, save your tears for somewhere PRIVATE. And especially when they try to attract the ex's attention by doing so, oh dear, no no pathetic. Personally, in my eyes. Sorry! It's just too embaressing. I know you miss em, I know you want them to know you still love em, but tears do NOT bring them back. Lalalaaa, damn, I always have too much to say when it comes to the topic of going through a break up. This is what I wanna say when someone texts me all sad and saying they're crying. It hurts me to know that dumb little boy broke a close friend of mine's heart, but understand, you MUST accept what can and cannot be.

I guess though, after time passes by, you'll learn to feel better. You'll get accustomed to him being gone, and you get used to it. Maybe you'll still miss them deep down, psha I know I still do more than anything. It's hard, but like I said, it is what it is. If they just don't feel that love for you anymore, ain't no way you can force them to. That would just be pity love. I want that real real love :) But ain't no rushin' to it. Period. On the last note, listen to the sing So You Can Cry - Ne Yo. Trust me! Haha.

Sometimes it comes to the point where I want you, some times, I wanna stay in the level we're at as of now. On the real, I don't know if I want this to keep going...

Satisfaction

So i agree life has it's ups and downs sometimes, no doubt. I know I don't have a perfect life, of course it's filled with bullshit at times. But what I love most is I'm always learning from it, and getting stronger. Good things have fallen apart in my life at times I needed them most, or even when I didn't want them to. But they fell apart on me anyway. Later do i always end up realizing it's so better things can come together. Although, I do tend to wish certain things never fell apart. That's the way it is though, so I've come to just deal with it and suck it up. Wishing never hurts :) Still that typical wisher every time i see 11:11 on my celly :) Other than that stuff, lifes okaay dokaay. I've moved on from what I was told straight up could no longer be. I've gained some good friends back, after a long time comin' & reminisce about them good ol' days and caught up :) Nice.

At some nights I just lay down and look up at my boring beige painted ceiling and just think, "What if..?" BUT I know I should stop so then at that point I just stuff my face in my pillow and just sleep. What if thoughts have no use for me, so thats why i just put it aside. It hits me once in awhile though, just a wandering thought of what if things were different. Obviously though, it is what it is. So i just accept :) Having a difficult time always happens to everyone, it's just up to us whether we let it get the best of us. Yaknow? :) I never let it get the best of me, but I still like to vent about it haha. But I make sure it doesn't ruin who i am or how far I've come :)

Oh and Twilight is the mothafckang SHIT! :) Ohman, I loved it! <3 I wish I had me a sweetheart like Edward. I'm sure every girl thats watched it does HAHA. So cute, I honestly never planned on getting interested in Twilight. Now i see why everyone was into getting the shirts! Hit me up with one! Aha sike :) Naaaaaaah.

Happiness

Today..was nice :) I'm happy, and satisfied with my life. I'm just flat out happy. I really don't give a flying fuck about much anymore, seriously AHA. I'm focusing on the goodness in my life, which I've come to see is a lot of things and people. People have been wondering how I've been doing from "you", and I don't see why they have a worried look on their face for I'm seriously doing fine. People tell me they see you in the halls sometimes, or they see you with your girl, kissing , blah, and they question if I'm alright and I'm just here laughing cause I seriously don't stress about it anymore. Hell yeah i used to be pissed, hell yeah I used to get angry, but it's been awhile and I've improved a lot. I LOVE the person I am now, and I'm always here to give advice to the ones I love most because I've been through that shit before :) Everyday I'm smiling, unless it happens to be a day I woke up on the wrong side of the bed xD Which can be once in awhile, hey I have my bitch days ! :p But other than that, I'm happy. Period. Single, independent, loving every minute of it. Hollllllllller baby :)

Yesterday I just stayed at Ashly's, for I actually haven't been there in awhile. Just chilled, took some shitty random video that I'd LOVE to post up but there are some inappropriate comments. HAHA. "I LIVE IN NEVADA" <3 Oh bestay I love you with all my heart. Then later that night did some hip hop choreo with somebody, but nobody important. HAHA sike, of course, he knows who he is who also taught me 1 freeze move :D I felt so good. HAHA. We've got 1 move down. It's pretty damn good I must say for myself. It hits that one part of the song just perfectly. "Closssser, closserrrr". Noice :) Asjhdasjkhdasjkdhasjk then I went home to finish up a project that took me till 1 in the morning. I think I'm failing English at the moment, so I've been doing anything to bring my grade up. NO MORE PROCRASTINATION. AH ! Ahahaha.

Mattafact

Damn. Changes changes changes everywhere. But change is good :) I'm happy and I'm satisfied with life. All i need in this life of sin is my bestfriends <3 AHA. Usually it'd be "boyfriend" but i gotta say it's the bestays. I love them to death, always making me cheese and laugh 24/7 <3 i love you guys :) I'm not down for any committment, not as in I'd ever dare to cheat. I just mean as in I can't stand someone holding me back. It wasn't cause he was tryna do it, I just think a relationship in general gets in the way of my life right now. Just wanna live it up :) ANYWAAAY. It's basically family day. like every other Sunday. Church @ 10:30 and then dimsum. and HOPEFULLY, get my sister convinced to stop by the mall for my dose of my green tea frap <3 mmhm :) gives me orgasms HAHAHAsike, but it's so damn delicious. and i could do some more shopping, cause i didn't have $$$ on me last time. But in the car on Friday my brother just handed me 40 bucks, then added a 5, and said, "clean mom's room" and that was it. Oh the joy of having brothers that are lazy.

And SPECIAL thanks to you for so called being there for me. That's the last time I'm ever helping your ass again on your problems. Bitch move right there, you really just pissed me off. Sometimes you are a genius at getting too outta hand, you really are especially for all the things I've done for you. Realize how bitchy you were and then actually talk to me. But besides you, yous know who you are that were there for me (: always making me smile & cheese and I couldn't have done this without you 2. love you with all my heart HAHA <3 Only you would google, "Break up lines" for me on the phone. Even though it was all a joke. "Do you really wanna know why i went out to dinner with my assistant?..." Haha I love you kid. I love both of you, couldn't be any more appreciative i got you two by my side.

As for you once again. Live accordingly, but don't do someone whose done nothing but stick by your side for the long run, wrong. You better think about what you did hun.