Whatevs'.

Lately, I've just been so fed up with lots of things. Not everything, but most of it. I needa' get outta here, escape somewhere. I'm starting to get sick of the past, which just isn't getting past. I hate remembering how you & I were so...I hate to say it, but, perfect for a solid moment in time. Before you had to f it all up, yeah? All in all things are just a blurr to me, I really don't get what to do. But whatever, I'll pick myself up like I always do & deal. You can't have a rainbow, without the rain. Or something like that, hahaha it was some quote I used to love. I've been stuck tryna figure things out when honestly I don't wanna figure out anymore. You & I have come and gone, we had our time, now it's just done for. As for the rest, it's whatever, lifes gonna get better, I feel it. Just as of right now, I gotta deal with the confusion and keep on makin' my way through.

Blurry vision.

I still can't believe what went down, I'm still disappointed that I've gotta do what I gotta do now. Sometimes you're scared to back out alone, but it's whatever, cos this is seriously messed up. I'm still hurt, really hurt matta' fact, that I had this clear vision for you & me. When I say I gave it every last I had in me, I really really did. To think you were serious this time too. Surprisingly I slept like a baby last night, thank God! Shooooot. Hah. You say you've changed, and you're still in the process of a "better you", but all I wish was you actually did try when we had a chance. Turn back to last summer, where you said the same words, & when I actually still had my heart open for you. Now it's so hard, even impossible, everytime I think of you it literaly hurts. This is the first time I felt this way, frrreal. Even in those three months I was still able to think about you, smile at our memories, laugh at reminiscing. Now I can't even bare to, the vision of you & her, damn, wtf, I feel so cheated on for some reason. I can't even bare to think how it all went down, how you acted, what you said to her, how you felt at those moments, WOW seriously -_____- Whatevs, it's all so pointless to me now, if SHE could get you, then wtf was I. It's all bull, honestly. Just a third wheel I was is all, the girl who was nice enough to always give you her heart no matter how many times it was only you who broke it and abused it. Now I've had it, I'm done, I can't stand it anymore. To top it off, you DON'T change when it mattered to me most. I don't get it, whatev. Whatever, I don't care anymore. Lates.

http://www.myspace.com/671preach
Don't You Remember - Preach ft Lino
nonstop listening, for the ending is my favorite.
if only someone could download it into playlist! haah -_-
wow i'm a dork.

"It's all just a buncha' bullish"

Gonna do my own thing, I'm flyin' solo.

"Gonna learn from my pain, never explain, do it my way,
that's what i say."

I can't believe this. I can't. Just when I learn to love and give you a chance again, something pops up. Sometimes I question God why the heck this always happens to me, why can't anything just stay put at being good. It all hurts so bad, for countless of reasons. The main one is for 3 months, I suffered, I cried, everything, just to reach a point of being okay again. When I finally did, life became easier. Then you come back, starting over, and I gave in only because my heart kept telling me to go with it. Plus living with grudges only makes you angry everyday, gives you something to be pissed about when you wake up, tense muscles. Forgiving gives you ability to smile, and have a stress free life. & so I did. Things were going so well, so nice, I finally thought this could work. It was the last chance I gave it. And of course, it gets screwed up. I'm beginning to see that it probably means something now. I'm fucking dissapointed at you, and myself. I just hate how I was so excited, looking forward to starting over. I should face it, what we had is what we had, it's time I move on. To someone who actually is right for me, won't stoop so low on my ass. Like freal! Wtf is that. You just don't understand what you've done, you don't yet. You're just a blurr to me now. I can't even picture myself with you anymore. All my hopes, happiness, and excitement of doing so just went down the drain. Incest. And you lil' girl same thing for you. Damn, both of you are fucked up in the head. What makes it worse is I know what you really did. No matter how much you're tryna' come off you didn't do shit, I'm wiser than that. I saw it for myself, my proof is right in front of me. Fuckin' fed up with liars. I mean yeah, I hate cheaters, but when you're already caught, have common sense and at least be somehow good and just admit what you've done. Just seriously now, I'm fuckin' fed up with liars. Fed up already.

Bad day, bad luck.

UGH! Today wasn't that bad, but I definitely wasn't a lucky ducky. The morning started out fine, woke up to see mamadukes car in the driveway meaning I had extra time to get ready since I wouldn't have to walk. Noice right? Right. Then I had to wear my shirt for English that I proudly just made last night, but it looked pretty damn good. Iron on lettering, colorful, oh yee :) I get to school to find a yummy hot pocket wrapped in foil in my locker :D Thanks..uh..whatever his name was. ( :p ) HAHA. Mhm all was well while it lasted. Then everything went a-wall on me. I needed some extra credit so I go to get my everything in it folder just to find out it wasn't in my locker. I fucking lost it. Hence, my EVERYTHING folder which had errr' lil thing in it. Then I sit down to see the letters on my shirt slowly peeling off, then the damn U finally hit the floor. AND, I realized I left my cell at home. Then in almost every class I couldn't function right 'cos my most needed shit was in that folder. Gah, not good basically. But I guess things turned around by lunch time, 'cos I just created my own version of the extra credit paper, didn't have to present. Meaning I have time to re-do my shirt again :D AND THEN! While Ash wanted a snack I found a 5 dolla bill on the floor! Ye ye ye :) But of course, something bad just HAS to happen again.

I come home from walking w/ Ash to see my cell laying on the kitchen counter. Only screaming one thing: my mother read it. I have nothing in my inbox, maybe in pictures but it's just with him smiling, and yeah. My outbox on the other hand is a different story. ODD ENOUGH, my inbox gets filled up so fast and has a limit, but my outbox doesn't. So my texts date back to Feb. AND UNFORTUNATELY, my sent texts have shit I pray TO GOD she didn't read. Yesterday, I went over Keither McBeaver's early morn' and the day before that has texts saying I will and ye shit you all get the point. AH! :( Damn I hope she didn't read it, 'cos if she did, mm hell yeee I'm screwed. Woop. There goes my summer. Thing is she didn't mention a word about it, and shit like THAT she wouldn't dare to keep in from yelling at me. But who knows...who knows.

*gulp*

"Sometimes love comes around, and it knocks ya down.."

Just get back up, when it knocks ya down. Yee :) Haha whatever tho, I'm getting fed up with this bullshit. I wanna say screw what I said in the last post, but that'd be too mean & not fully true. You make it hard for me to really have hope in us, as if you're always up and down with me. Some days you like me, some days you don't. Do I deserve that shit? Naaaw, I'm too good for games. So our status is whatever to me, 'cos sometimes you be trippin'. I like you yeah, but seriously now, what the fuck -_______- I had a life without you for 3 months, no way am I gettin' sucked up into the life of shattered hope. I hope, sometimes, guys weren't suck dicks. I know you all agree HAHA. But that's the jist of life. I don't wanna be here anymore. Days like these won't last forever. You'll be in college and I know you'll eye someone new. I just know, thats who you natrually are no matter what shit you say to me. & regaurdless, I'll never know. So that's why I'm giving myself a heads up now, so when the time comes, I can brush it off. I'm flying solo, still awaiting patiently for a someone to give my heart to and knowing they won't break it into pieces. Trust, loyalty, and honesty. Word.

I can't wait to start my MAC palette! :) Hopefully I'll be successful in depotting eyeshadows, I ain't gonna waste 14.50 and then end up shattering it. Man, I've become a MAC addict. Although, summer has made it's way and I stopped wearing foundation. Too heavy,when I don't need coverage. I've been using a tinted moisturizer, which has basically no coverage, good for the skin. It's basically like a mositurizer 'cept with a tint of your skintone. I just needed something super light and can even out my skin tone :) No foundation. Yay! I'm just about to fill out an online application to work at Rita's. I NEEDA JOB. Hopefully they hire me, yadiiiiiiig. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T :) Haha. Nah, but once I get a steady job I'm finally gonna get me a Hello Kitty Debit Card in Bank of America :D Sooooo excited!

it's always you.

Sometimes I can't believe you & I are talking again. but I'm happy :) To me it's as if no matter who we go with, we'll always feel that us together is the best option. Just you & I as a team basically, even though we can piss the shit out of each other almost 24/7 haha :) Sure, we found ourselves a good one to ride with for the moment, but only to find out they didn't suit us as much as we suited each other. We may not be "together" right now, but for whatever, I'm down. Although, I hope you are willing to change your ways. I mean I know you are but hopefully it'll stick, cause babyboy you really piss me the hell of with yo arrogant behavior here and there. Haha :) ANYWAYS! This weekend was chill. Ashly's party yesterday, there the whole day and did whatever. Spent some time with mamadukes, brother and his girlfriend today. Buffet up at Freehold, HELLA DAMN GOOD O_O Mang oh mang, I reccomend it. & the sushi boy was eyeing me. I'm like >_> Fuck off. Hahaha. Then went to joyce leslie's solo, picked up some stuff. Including new SHADES :D I love 'em! Freal this time, I mean it. This one is my new baby<3 Mmmm. Pictures? Yeahp. Most of 'em are on Facebook though :) Haha.

So so so, def.

Hahaha. Life's hit a point of satisfaction :) To admit though, things are a little rocky with a few at the moment, but somehow maybe thing will patch up. I can't stand your stubbornness anymore! You really are pissing me off. You can be sucha girl sometimes, so manipulative, so, errghhaghh! You've always been that way though. Just understand you can't make my choices for me, and you have a girlfriend so get the fuck over yourself. You shouldn't care THAT much as if you're MY boyfriend to begin with. Ya feeel me?! Just back the hell off, I only like being good friends with you, I care for you only as a friend, not anything more than that. Maybe like a brother, but never as a boyfriend. All in all, just chill, seriously. I'm sick of dealing with your shit sometimes.

Mmmmmmm. I have a dentist appointment in a few. Summers making it's lurvely way in :) Yuumm. I need to do some shopping. I need a new foundation from MAC, Studio Fix has become too heavy for me. I'm going for a natural glow, esp. since it's summer! :) & EVERYONE has seen Sephora and it's grand opening glory this weekend but me! :'( SO unfair. But I like it when they say, "it so reminded me of you and how much you'd be spazzing". HAHAHA :) What can I saaay. But THAT'S SO ON MY LIST RIGHT NOW, I gotta check our Sephora out this weekend. Somehow..SOMEHOW. It's an effing must! This weekend was interesting, cough. Late nights, that's wssup' :)

Let's just pause this moment.

I know it's been a long time since you & I have gotten anything going between us, and it hasn't even been a week we just started talking. But all I know is I'm happy that I am :) My gut feelings keep tellin' me I'm doing something right, and this is right. But even with that, I don't wanna believe it too much. Yeah, even if you do make me smile all day everydamn day. Right? Hehe yeee. But I know what happened to our last relationship, how you & I have changed our ways since then and that's good. I'm just happy you came around, it's nice when people come to their senses sooner or later. No one believed that what we had was really something, freal'. And I hate to say it but I look at all these little relationships going on & I just laugh 'cos they think they got it all going, and it makes me laugh even more when it's only one person who believes it. Whatev', I'll just let 'em learn. 

All I know is, my gut keeps tellin' me this is just right the way it's going. & I've learned never to refuse my gut feelings, & just go with them.

PS - 2 quotes I've heard these past few days that I like :)

"I'm a little scared to hold you close, 'cos I just might, never, ever, let you go"

Bring Me Flowers - Hope

And you wonder why it's not me who hugs first. Hah, kidding? Mmm.

"Wow, what an asshole!"

"Mmmnah, he's just a boy"

- Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Playa, please :)

Hahahaha. Eh :) My eyes are complete bloodshot, for I stayed up all last night mang O_O *Cough. Haha. Weird thing was I didn't feel tired at all today, and odd enough, I haven't eaten one thing at all yet. Okay, 1 piece of a strawberry poptart, but thats it! But God damn those are my favorite. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM :) Anyways. Yeah! Deng, not like me not to have an appetite, I'm freakin' myself out. Today was good, chill, same ol' same ol classes. Notes that make me fall asleep, had Amy's iPod the whole damn day 'cos it had the song I've been currently addicted to. YEAH YEAH, My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson :) Meh love <3 Dun dun dun..oh and the end of the day was quite the charm too, hahaha ;) I missed The Hills last night. Just literaly checked the MTV sched, it's on in about 30 minutes. Pheeeeeew. Missed it last night, once again. And on a last note, I think I might be switching to AT&T. To me, I'm happy, 'cos damn I love their phones seriously. Good stuff good stuff. But then some people say, "bad choice", I'm like, "screw you (;" HAHA, nah. Butchyeah, I guess. Er, I think I'm feeling hungry now. Wuh? O_o Mmmmmmmmm. Hm. MmmmMmmm. Hah.

PS - One of my random posts, ha.

Muah,
A ♥

The reason for 5 hours of sleep, & runnin' on it.

'Cosa you. You always keep me thinking about what has happened, whats going to happen, what will happen, and the list goes on. For awhile, I've been able to just sleep on it. Just sleep, and it's a few hours of escaping the world. But just last night, I HAD to hear what you said to MY bestfriend. Truthfully, idgaf what you do and how you handle your business. Just do yourself & I a damn favor, if you don't feel how you used to feel, seriously, keep it to yourself. I think you pulled a dumbass move, we all know you went around with some new chick for awhile, it was pretty clear to me you didn't like me ever since THEN. So what makes you think you can just make it clear now?! "Haha ye, I don't like Angela anymore though". Ha-ha-ha. Yeah it hurts, but it's something I've known, but in a different matter. I don't need you to be tellin' my best that shit, 'cos you KNOW she's gonna tell me. What's your intentions buddy? WHAT?! You're like a pest, buzzing my damn ear. Annoyance. I still feel for you, quite honestly. Hearing what you told her, caused me to run on 5 hours of sleep today. You know that?! Hell no you don't know that. You ain't got a clue the hell you put me through, seriously. If you don't "like me anymore", so be it, I'd like to say you're just so aggrevating. You tell my friend, "I still have strong feelings for Angie". Then it's, "I don't like Angela anymore". I SWEAR kid. You're on my last nerve. If that's the final verdict, so be it. But from my side, here's how it goes. You & I, have been through too much bullshet together. I know we don't think about it on a daily basis, but if you could only sit in your room and remember how we met. How we got together 2 and a half years ago. How we'd find ways to see eachother. Or how we even got aqquainted to one another. Yeah? I know. I don't always take all that into consideration either. But I remembered everything last night, 'cos SOMEONE wanted to hear our story. So I was like, whatevs', it's all in the past, it doesn't hurt to tell a story. But here's what gets me.

I never once thought in the future, I'd be telling the story in the senario that you & I are done. I always thought I'd be re-telling it with smiles, laughter, 'cos we'd still be together. But naw. I had to tell it in a way, of just looking back at a memory, a memory that can't continue. & that's what pisses me off. THAT'S what causes me to lose sleep at night. Everything that has to do with you. Everyday, for the past 3 months, I've been stuck on the fact why we went wrong. I think it was so outta line, a little too outta line, no one ever saw it coming. One of those people was me. You & I, we shared everything and had everything together. Damn. But now, why do you gotta bring me up, just to bring me back down? Why have you done that to me in the past, for as long as I can remember. Son, you confuse me. I just can't keep up with your shit. I'll be doing fine with out you, and then you have to find SOME WAY for me to hear about your ass. Seriously? You really think I care as much as I used to? Yeah, I mean, I still have these lil' feelings for you. But up at this point, now i just don't give a fuck. Ever since I found out that shit from that party of what you said about me, I've had it. I'm in a state of shock at you, still in disbelief. But I guess that's how it goes. I can't keep up with your strategic ways, your plans hidden with another plan, whatever, 'cos like I stated before, either way, you have no balls to step the fuck up to my face. That's a bit gay, dontcha' think? Ye, I think so to.. :) No more of your lovin' no more.

Yesterday was nice :) Family and more family! In laws, that is :) OTHER brother's, what is now fiance, met up with her family in Cherry Hill. Ate at Pennangs, when originally suppose to eat at some japanese place. HAHA 5 minutes before getting there, Bev (his laaady), calls him saying they're closed. HAHA my brother starts having a bf, no doubt, 'cos it took an hour drive. But we ended up havin' a nice time either way :) Then I went to Cherry Hill mall. Toldya', knowin MY ASS, I'd find my way to the mall :D And there, I got my dress which was sold out in O.C Mall. Score biiitch! SCORE :)

"Will you, be my girlfriend?"

Haha okay, I'm nadda lesbo. It's just I was listening to music last night, specifically "Need a Girl - Trey Songz", which is one of my most favorito songs since I heard it on the radio. But but but! I was in my own little world for a second and imagined how I'd want the guy I like to ask me out. I KNOW, I'm a cornball! HAHA. Anyways, it would be him playing the guitar to that song, and in the back ground you have people holding up signs, "Angela, will you be my girlfriend?". !!!!!!!!!!! LMAO. & of course, me, with my happy yet so surprised face, yadda yadda :D Haha okay so I know this post was outta line, just thought I'd share it 'cos it's all that crosses my mind nowdays :) Not really, it's just a thought that makes me smile. Well I'm out, lates <3

Rainy days, blah la la.

Mmmm it's to rain the whole day today. I'm home -___________- Haha that's aight, I've barely been home all week, so I haven't gotten time to help my mama out. Can't leave her hangin'! HAHA. Needless to say, I'd like summer to come now. Weeheheee :) Idk, just gotta get outta this whole school scene, sick of it! f'reaaal. Anyways, I actually love rain to be honest. It gives me a sense of tranquility. Seriously! Ahah. Damn, I'm inlove with my playlist. Nonstop listenin' all day everyday ;) If only my computer in my room wasn't virus infected, I'd be working out nonstop :D I'm losing weight gradually, I'm happy. I haven't really had a bag of doritos, cheddar cheese chips, or any shit in like, EVER. One main part of my new routine is eat breakfast, whether it's mamduke's cooking or grabbing a nutrigram bar/poptart/granola bar for school, I don't eat lunch at school unless I missed breakfast, otherwise my lunch is at home. And then dinner, if I don't forget. HA! Butchyeah, that's what it is now. I also needa' re-paint my nails, I WILL get my nails done to that bright pink, but that's for summer time. Word ;) My sister's wedding is the first day of vacation, which is good 'cos she's been naggin' me whenever I'm out, "ANGELA DON'T GET TOO DARK SERIOUSLY NOT BEFORE MY WEDDING!!!!". Aaaand, because her wedding is the first day, I'm good I'm good :) Lemmeh' see what else what else.

So, I got this "plan" for next weekend. Not neccesarily a plan, just something the devil on my shoulder hinted me about. Haaah! Sikenaw, but I got something up my sleeve. I'm only hoping it will happen, don't worry, I ain't a shady bitch :) But one thing I know fa'sure is, it ain't my fault I know the meaning of a chill time... :) La la, I'm not even positive, let's just see what goes down for the week, yeah? On the last note, going to Cherry Hill tommorrow. Uh, meeting my brother's fiance's parents, and whatever else. Knowin' MY ASS, I'm just gonna find a way to hit up that mall over there. HAHAHA! :) Whatever, we'll see eh. Oh oh oh oh oh! I plan to get this:
http://www.coastalscents.com/cfwebstore/index.cfm/product/1667_122/ultra-shimmer-88-eye-shadow-palette.cfm

An essential to every make up lover. I heard so much about it on youtube by even the BEST of make up gurus. It's just my stuck up ass has been all on MAC, only 'cos I'm super big on the quality of make up. WAY WAY too picky on that. So when I hearda' this I was like, "naw..." but I'm willing to give it a shot. Only 'cos I love how it's in a palette, I can decorate it, AAAND, super price for 88 shadows! Even better, very very pigmented shadows. Pigmentation is a big deal when it comes to shadows, I like color that shows up. Duh :) And to think, MAC'S little mini eyeshadows for $14.50 EACH!? And there's 88 of these, every color imaginable, all for about 25 dang bucks. Hell yeah I'm gettin' it! Sweet sweet deal <3

Skeet skeet!

Ah, so I know I don't update that much nowadays. Idk, I don't feel like it, I'll only update when I'm in the mood . Ha. Eh I've just been lazy and out and about. Buuuut! Quick re-cap I guess, if I can remember. HAHA.

So as mentioned in my last blog post, I've been walking home kickin' it at Ashly's. Almost this whole past week, actually :) Or we just walk home. I'm happy 'cos I DO want my mama to understand that I'll be okay haha, just walking to and back to school. As in I want her to realize it's all good she can trust me, I won't do a thing. Thing with her is she doesn't know till she lets me try. -___________- I still recall in the summer her harsh words of "I'M NEVER EVER LETTING YOU WALK TO SCHOOL OR WALKING HOME SO DANGEROUS I DON'T CARE HOW MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS DO IT YOU ARE NEVER WALKING ANGELA!!!!!" - Yeah? Haha, look now :) She needs to experience it first, now she's kinda sorta comfy. I mean I still get those worried calls or texts of, "Please call me when you get to school" or wherever I'm heading. But I ain't frontin', I call my mama wherever I'm at wherever I go, just to let her be secure. That's the mistake some people make. I know I've been a liar to her in the past, right to her face, but time has passed & things have changed, she can trust me this time. :) Oui. Anyway!



So I don't remember what happened on what days, but Ash came over, then after that we've been walkin' home going to her house. Yesterday....however..

It was a lil' something different. So I needed something from Rite Aid. "Needed". HA. Ash hates walking there, for it's "Mexican Territory" and she was super tired. SO I asked Mr. Faggot to come with me, just incase someone would jump me or something HAHAHAHA. Went home to Ashly's, changed in "disguise" (lmao), and then walked half way to meet up. Long story short, it was nice spending time with you :) Ugh, but, nah, I won't say it. You know what bothers me already. Us and our energy drinks, HAHA all you see is these 2 asians, me with my long red shirt with black leggings and ginourmous red shades, & him, just, lookin' like him, haha. Walkin' to and from Rite Aid, oh wait, but stopped at Bombay! HAAAH!!!! & then me holding my big ass can of Monster. >:) Muwahaha. But yet, I know the deal, yeah yeah yeah, sucks though. I'm very for the fact that I know I can make you laugh whenever needed :) Whatevs'! It is what it is, surely. But it was nice.. :) :) Love ya kiddo, ha. Sikenaw.

Then today, yet again, walked to Ashly's just to do her hair for her BLD thingy, WHICH I was suppose to go with, BUUUUT Ashly's mom is comin' home late from work so there goes my ride. Ashly's ride is full of that family, but I don't know those people anyway. Haha I'd rather not 'cos it'd be akward. Wah, but I was suppose to go tonight >:( S'aaaall good though, haha. Then mama said gotta go to sista sista's house for the night. So, yeah. I'm honestly too lazy to type more, just did this quick 'cos I know I needed to update somehow, ahah. Mmmmmmmm I'm out, tooodles! :)